I will admit I have done nothing yet, today, but I felt the need to post. There are a few things on my list of subjects this morning, and I will get to them, one by one.
Firstly, I believe I am getting sick. I'm so stuffed up I feel like a murdered plush toy being dragged around in a dog's mouth, a trail of fluff falling from the seams. I've used probably a quarter of a large box of tissues, and I've only been awake for an hour or so. There is so much pressure in my head that if I were to learn something new, I would have no room for it and I very well may explode. I'm thinking a decongestant cocktail.
Second on my list is the possible new job. I'm excited about having employment and making money, but I'm a little... not nervous, but apprehensive, I suppose. At this facility, everyone does everything. In my "interview" (if you can call it that, I answered one question, and the rest of the time was spent listening to her talk) she mentioned that they all wear different hats at different times. I think their problem is that everyone is doing all the jobs at once, with no focus on one particular area. I think they need to have one or two people for every job, a couple to answer phones, a few for sales, certain people to come in just to coach, etc. The chaos that is that business is clearly overwhelming everyone that works there. I understand that businesses can't just hire infinite employees, but at least delegate the ones you have to specific jobs and have them come in just at the times you need them. You'd save hours, and you'd have a much more organized workplace. As it is, she's asked me to do sales half the day, then some coaching, then drive the van when they need it, and talk to the parents in my spare time. I'm grateful for the hours, truly, but asking someone new to take on everything all at once is a little much, don't you think?
Now, on to Facebook. Yes, Facebook. I was on the site this morning, as I usually am, and I realized something. I've been going about it all wrong. I added everyone I barely knew, I liked everything that I had any remote interest in, and posted about shit that no one cares about! I apologize, my former and current Facebook friends, for posting dumb stuff. No longer will you know that I'm watching TV, nor will you know about what I'm eating at that moment. I will post articles, I may post about an awesome night I had, or something wonderful that my boyfriend has done for me, or some big question that may be on my mind at that point, but no more stupid, mindless posts.
I mentioned liking everything in existence, and I'll no longer be doing that, either. I don't want a bunch of posts of stuff that I don't care about crowding my feed. If there is something I'm interested in getting updates on, I'll like it. Otherwise, they can all visualize my middle finger, as I'm sure my liked-page admins think of me often. Last week I chopped my friend list, and now I'm going to be un-liking quite a few pages. To the pages that are trying to get the most people involved, I apologize, for you will have one less 'like.'
I'm sorry you've suffered through such a long blog with me today, but I promise I'll try to keep them shorter from now on. I promise, this is my last subject for the day. Not to Seinfeld this up, but what's the deal with grey areas?? I mean, there are so many double standards and blurred lines these days it's a wonder that everyone in this country doesn't need glasses (and apparently mine aren't doing their job!). To what am I referring? Well, think about it. Your whole life, you're given little nuggets of wisdom, but they all contradict each other! For example, you're told to be proud of how you dress, and be unique and colorful, and not to let anyone tell you otherwise. However, you're also told, possibly by the same person, that you need to dress for the job you want, dress age-appropriate, and always look your best. WHAT? Well that doesn't seem fair. How can you not listen to criticism about how eccentric your look may be, but also dress for success? Another point I've had problems with is the vast amounts of grey ares in relationships. You're supposed to not need anyone, but then romantic movies (comedies or otherwise) make it seem that you do if you're really in love. Also, when does play-fighting turn into abuse? Saying "I'm just messing around," doesn't make the bruise on your arm go away, so how do you know when to stop? Just because you're both laughing afterword doesn't mean that one of you isn't thinking that the other is being a tad too rough.
Side note: I should clarify that I have none of these problems in the relationship I'm in currently, so don't think I need saving. These are just things I've thought about in past relationships.
As I was saying, there are many grey areas in life, but the biggest one, to me, is when to stand up for yourself. I've been told my whole life that I need to stand up for myself, but when is it appropriate to do so? I just can't seem to get a grip on when the right moment is. I've let people walk on me all too often, but where does standing up for yourself end, and just being a bitch begin? The few times I've tried standing up for myself, I've been completely shut down, cornered, and made to feel even worse than I did before, my defense completely deflated. A couple other times, when I didn't let some insults hurt me like they used to, I was told I was changed, different, and I wasn't fun anymore. So when is it okay to stand up for myself? Have there been any instances where you've stood up for yourself and wondered if it was the right move?
Okay, I'm done ranting for the day. Auf wiedersehen, friends, and today I leave you with crows.
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Looking back at instances where I stood up for myself resulting in a blow-up in my face, I think these were the times where I was so emotionally charged and fed-up that I was really not in control of myself. I don't think the blow-up occurred because I was being defensive, but more because I was not in control, most likely a result of one thing piled on top of the other on top of the other... Then, understanding this scenario is not ideal, I stopped caring and the result ultimately was that I became more of push-over and boring to top it off.
ReplyDeleteThe essential middle-ground was not achieved by standing up for myself or caring less, but in expressing myself more ardently and immediately. You'd think the result would be that you would be perceived as an emotional ninny who over-reacted to everything, but I think it's made me more open and honest. Does it make me a bitch? Yeah, probably. Am I bothered?
I don't think, by any means, that it's made you a bitch. I need to do that more often as well, but people already claim that I complain too much, so I think that if I were to do it, I'd probably annoy people more than get the results I want. :/
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